Log in

No account? Create an account
Deep Sea Musings
Recent Entries 
24th-Sep-2012 04:22 pm - Time
I havent posted here in a bit but I feel the need to let off a few thoughts. be warned it may be a bit emotional.

Time passes...

It has been exactly one year ago today that my mother passed away. Sept 24, 2011....just another date on a calendar, just a year ago not significant. To me , of course it is. What does teh passing of time do to you? What does it signify? Is it just a day by day , sunrise, sunset mundane way of marking our place here?


One of those things you cant hold in your hand, you cant see, feel, anything..yet it is always there. They say you have spent a day, or wasted time or that time is running out or catching up with you ?? So how is it possible that something intangible is so important?
We never have enuff time or we cant find the time?

One lesson I have learned..you cannot get back time spent, you cannot change the past or get a free redo. All you can do is learn and live up to the saying..

That was time well spent!

I miss my mother terribly , I know she is with my father now and ina better place, I just hope that I am living up to what they would have liked to think their son should be.

I guess i will find out...in time.
20th-May-2012 10:48 am - new tattoo
Hi there:

Its been awhile, guess sometimes time just passes by. The job is going well and I hope everyone had a nice mothers day. I just got my newest tattoo done by our pet dragon taku and wanted to post a pic of it ! Its a stylized horse head and is on a spot that shall we say is NOT viewable to the general public ...but an area we all need to be able to walk and we sit on it everyday:)
2nd-Apr-2012 04:22 pm - its really easter
i dont know if you celebrate it or not.but this seems to be the ultimate easter surprise!!

23rd-Jan-2012 11:15 am - Snow...or is that fallout?
Hi :

If anyone still reads this alot has happened since my last post. When my mom dies, I sort of lost the desire to write here, sighs. But now the holidays are over and its a new year as they say. I could not have made it through without my beloved mate calafin and our pet dragon takumori support and love. It was the first holiday without mom in my life. But I made it and Im still here.

I have a new job now , yayyy,working as an armed driver and guard for a courier company, it's exciting and fun. I never thought of myself as a gun enthusiast but things do change.

We are having our first real snow of the season since we moved here to Elko. So..I put on my sleipnir fursuit as a partial, and calafin put on his Calacor suit and we played a bit and took some pics! so here you go:

24th-Sep-2011 09:06 pm - mom passed away
an update to my previous journal..

On saturday sept 24 2011 my mother passed away. It happened while my sister was with her in the hospital and before I could arrive. I did get to see her and kiss her goodbye from all of us..I hugged her and told her it was from me, calafin, taku ,his mom..all of us.

Now the difficult part begins. i am being logic minded to stop crying for now unil i handele all her affairs and can take her ashes home with me to join my dad.

Mom...I will miss you..and i will try and be the best son I can be.
23rd-Sep-2011 08:36 pm - life, death, and what matters
So I havent posted here in a while, guess Ive been either too busy or just dont know if anyone reads it anymore. But consider this a bit of a rant...not gonna be emo just I need to write this.

We made the decision as a group family , with little financial choice, to move out here to Elko NV. Its beautiful..I love it soo much. The horses, the country , the peace and quiet is such a wonderful change my stress level has dropped. There is just one hitch and I knew it was coming..we all did..

My mom is dying.

She is almost 90 now and has been in nursing care for some time for her Alzheimer. She has been in and out of the hospital, again and again for awhile now, with trouble breathing and heart murr murrs. Well this past week, she was in again, they put her on antibiotics and on oxygen, but it didnt help. On wednesday they transferred her to icu unit and intubated(sp?) her. The dr went in with a scope and tried to clear things up and her lung reinflated so it seemed she was gettng better.But then during the nite it happenend again,the dr told me and my sister that it was pointless to try again but that she could be kept on a respirator and kept alive. If you call that living. She is competent and made the decision to sign a dnr order, so now she is in a hospice unit just with meds for pain.

Im flying back tomorrow to stay as long as she lasts. that hurts me to say more than anything in my life.

So, my friends, all I can say is this..value your family. Cherish love. It doesnt matter if you think your parents are overbearing monsters, if they ruin your"life", they are your parents. One day they will be gone..and you will realize as I do , that they always meant the best for you. Love..esp parental love is truly unconditional.
20th-Jun-2011 05:14 pm - birthday, fathers day
so another one has come and gone. It was a wonderful weekend, a surprise birthday cake from my family here..my mate calafin, my sweet dragon Takumori, mom, cloud and Flare. It was a nice day, then sunday we went over to the beach and to see my mom and eat awesome chinese food.

I love everyone so much, it made me reflect a bit. Why is there only one day for Fathers, one day for Mothers, etc? I know its to make a special time but shouldnt every day be special? Once they are gone, they are gone. My dad passed away in 1988, I think of him often, yet sometimes I have to strive to recall.

So..try and live every day to its fullest, love truly and passionately..you cant get the past back.
1st-Apr-2011 08:54 pm - lions and tigers and ..tornadoes./..
Ok so I guess somebody pissed off Mother Nature this past week. It has been raining every day , ruining the Sun-N-Fun fly in at lakeland here. Well then it hit...

Thursday ..original forecast was for a 20%chance of rain..someone goofed! There were 4 confirmed TORNADOES that touched down here in Mulberry! I was out doing my deliveries and saw a wall of rain ahead..pulled into the next store and bam it hit! The rain was swirling in circles, the wind was deafening and the lightning holy shit!

It passed by fast and rained hard the rest of the day..then I got the phone call. It seems that lightning hit one of the big trees in our yard and it crashed across the front of the house and took out the carport/garage. It also dropped a huge branch across the house roof, putting two holes in the roof. Luckily noone was hurt, and we all pitched in breaking out the chainsaw and rakes. The hole is temporarily patched for now. There were other homes in this area not as lucky, down the street a huge tree took out the entire back of one house! The weather people here said it was a once in a hundred year event.

Here are a couple links to youtube videos of teh strom at the airshow.

24th-Mar-2011 06:56 pm - tribute..and an amazing gift
I had posted over on my FA account about Phaedra passing away as well. Today we were reading it and this amazing piece of art appeared. It was done by someone we dont even know as a tribute and that makes it even more beautiful!

Here is the link...


I can only humble accept it and say thank you!
22nd-Mar-2011 05:58 pm - Farewell old and best friend...
I dont know how many still do read this , or my mates calafin's journals. But I need to write this out if for nothing else than closure and a tribute.

Does a friend have to have two legs? Does a friend have to be able to talk? To drive or do any of those things? Does love only apply when it comes from another human?


On Monday morning, March 21, 2011, our beloved feline and best friend , Phaedra, of over 10 years , passed away from this world and into the arms of the goddess. He will be quite sorely missed, for he was deeply loved. His meows of greeting still echo in my mind. He has been with us for almost as long as we have been a couple over 10 years. We lived in an apt complex and the woman downstairs worked for a vet and her cat had a litter. Calafin wanted a cat, soooo bad, and I resisted. Then we met all these little mewling fluff balls, climbing around and clawing. Phaedra simple crawled in Cals lap, purred and fell asleep..he picked US!

One of my funniest memories was taking him to the vet to be fixed, we thought he was a she..I dont tend to look under a kittens tail ya know? Well the vet took him in the back and came out laughing..you know shes a boy?? We laughed soo hard..and it turns out that neutering is cheaper..lol!

As he grew up, the adventures continued..from climbing the curtains, stuck under stove or fridge, he grew so fast ..but he was always there for us. he grew larger but never lost his siamese cat blue eyes , though he was a long haired cat. He moved place to place with us and across the country , to texas and back here. Everyone that met him loved him..and he loved them!

That changed so fast..had him to vet about two months ago for 4 days in hospital, kidney /liver infection. We brought him home..and it was funny..trying to feed him his pills and his medicines! Wrapping him in a towel and had a pill shooter ...well it kep[t him about for a while longer.

I wont go into details..it still hurts. He got lethargic and quiet, didnt move, and he found a dark place. We put him in his blanket and surrounded him with love and toys..and he..seemed to ask me ..if he could go. I let him go..and he left his physical shell behind in our arms.

Taku and I built him a pine box, lined it with fur. Cal and Cloud dug the hole and we tucked him in for the long sleep.

He is gone now..but not forgotten. I was told that someone once asked why do pets die ? why do they leave us so quickly? and the answer I got was this...

Pets are born Knowing how to love us UNCONDITIONALLY! They give and give and give again..people have to LEARN to LOVE! So we are here much longer.

I offer a simple life lesson..learn to love each other..learn to forgive..as Phaedra did for us.

I do not say goodbye, my sweet little kitten..but only that I will see you again..and I wont forget the catnip!

First pic is him sleeping on my lap heheeh !
Then his various adventures including surfing the web!

This page was loaded Oct 19th 2018, 5:17 am GMT.